FANTASY TRIP ONE: Booze Party
by FrenchPea
Summary: My sick attempt at Invisible Man humor. Ready to dodge tomatoes for this one...Anyway...it's sort of crossoverish since there are some other characters in it...basically it's a free-for-all and it even guest stars my favorite boyfriend, Crissy. This is sl


AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, folks, this is what I do when I have writer's block. And now I have a serious case of it, it's bugging me big time. Let's let y'all know that this may contain material that the more uptight of us may find objectionable and it's weird, maybe stupid, and maybe even kinda funny. I d'nno. My sick attempt at some I-man humor. And my portrayal of myself in here is fairly accurate so...MWAHAHAHAHAAAA! *Evil laughter* Beware the evil French Pea. Shout-out to Nebula, who inspired Darien's exclamation of "ACKFISH!" MrsSpooky who inspired Arnaud's Speedo and fawkesy_and_lovin_it, who inspired (THE WHOLE THING!) errm, actually, Darien's leather pants. 

DISCLAIMER: Hey, I'm flattered if you think I own Darien...and really, I only *claim* to own Arnaud, and neither of them are mine *sniffle* Haruka Ten'ou isn't mine either...*sniff sniff* BUT I can take credit for Joel and Wrenn, who are my babies and whose personalities I created. Wrenn is in fact the personification of a cranky but creative muse who is hyper and gets me excited about something and then disses me after I write it. CRISSY IS MINE TOO! 

Crissy: I am, am I?

Andi: Well...yeah....

Rated: PG13 for language and some *ahem* adult concepts.

Darien: Oh no, I can see it coming.

Duo: Where did I come from?

Andi: Ack! Where _did you come from?? Get out, out I say!_

Arnaud: One word before we start. I do actually wear Speedos. I --

*Andi shuts the whole crew up so y'all can read the story. * 

## FANTASY TRIP ONE: BOOZE PARTY

Darien Fawkes, Invisible Man extraordinaire, awoke suddenly to find himself in a small, white room. Totally devoid of any features, the room wasn't padded, but there were no doors or windows either.

He was lying on the floor, sprawled, and slowly stood up, discovering that he was wearing his sexy orange shirt and a pair of jeans. No, wait, not jeans! Leather pants! He ran one hand down the smooth, slippery fabric and grinned. He'd never worn leather pants before and damned if it didn't make him feel good and sexy. 

Suddenly, someone gave a strangled cry and fell through the ceiling--yes, _through the ceiling!-- and onto the floor._

Darien looked down at the curled figure, probably unconscious and certainly not moving, and gasped. It was--it was Arnaud! He was curled into a fetal position, wearing a black suit with the cream colored shirt underneath it half-unbuttoned and several lipstick-prints on the exposed chest.

Damn, he looks _sexy! Darien's brain thought without his permission. "ACKFISH!" he exclaimed, and smacked himself once on the side of the head. What'm I thinking??? _

The Swiss sexy man stirred from his position on the floor and moaned, sat up slowly and exclaimed, "Oh my _aching head!" without opening his eyes._

He grabbed blindly at Darien's leg, pulling Darien down towards himself, planting a kiss smack on Darien's lips without ever once opening his eyes. Only when Darien gave a strangled yelp and pushed (or more accurately tried to push) Arnaud away did Arnaud crack open one eye and exclaim "SACRE FRELLING BLEU!" 

He stood up, adjusted his tie, and tried to brush his suit off, wiping the lipstick off of his chest and buttoning his shirt.

"NOW WHATDJA DO THAT FOR?" A voice bellowed from nowhere. The author had struck. "DAMMIT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE POINTLESS SLASH!!!! NOW DO WHAT I SAY!!! NEITHER OF YOU GO HOME UNTIL YOU MAKE OUT!!!! IN A HOT TUB!!!!"

"Huh?" Darien looked confused and the author cursed herself for making him so dense in this story. 

"Oh never mind," she sighed, and the room was silent.

Arnaud cocked an eyebrow. "Why mademoiselle French Pea! I expect to be treated better than this!"

"ALL RIGHT!" the author's voice bellowed again, "I'll put in some better parts, I _promise. Just gimme some time, handsome!"_

Arnaud smiled coyly and glanced over at Darien.

He is so fucking _hot! Darien's mind chirped again, and Darien exclaimed, "HOLY CHEESE!" and whacked the side of his head again._

Arnaud settled his rear on the floor again, bonelessly plopping down, and frowned, obviously waiting for something exciting. Little did he know that the author had been stricken by a horrible case of I-can't-think-of-a-good-plot-itis. 

Suddenly, from nowhere, Haruka Ten'ou a.k.a. Amara something and SAILORURANUS appeared. She was the best sailor senshi EVER! She fell into the room and stood up happily, pulling out her Space Sword even though she wasn't wearing her kootchi Sailor outfit that has a real name the author just can't remember. "Wow," she commented, glancing down at her pants and legs. "I'm not so badly-drawn anymore!"

"Well duu--uhh!" exclaimed Arnaud, shaking a finger. "This is a *manga* fanfic you know! The author can't stand badly-drawn anime!"

"Mmm," said Haruka, glancing about. "Where're Michiru and the daemons? I wanna kick some ass, man!"

"Wait WAIT WAIT!" the author exclaimed, appearing in the center of the room. She, of course, was gorgeous, with mid-back length auburn hair and sparkly green-blue eyes. All the men in the room, as well as Haruka, were struck dumb by the sight of her.

"How did YOU get here?!" she exclaimed, shaking a wad of papers at Haruka. "It's not in the SCRIPT!" 

"There's a script?" Darien looked confused. "Can I get a copy? I'm stuck. I've forgotten my lines!"

"NO! IT'S MY SCRIPT!" the author exclaimed, waving the wad of paper above her head. "Haruka! You gotta go! This is supposed to be Pointless Slash with a capital P and S!"

"I shall not go 'till my duty is fulfilled!" declared the tall, blonde woman, waving the beautiful Space Sword above her head and calling out, "URANUS CRYSTAL POWER MAKEUP!"

She was suddenly standing there wearing a really dumb sailor outfit, with a short skirt.

The author moaned. "Gosh, why did you _have to do that??? Now you look really stupid!" She dropped the script. "And you!" she pointed at Arnaud. "Why the __hell are you wearing a __suit?" _

She picked up a paper, snapped her fingers, and a pencil appeared. She scribbled frantically on the paper, and suddenly in a poof of pink powder, Arnaud was wearing nothing but a Speedo, holding a martini, and had sunglasses pushed in his hair. "Oooh much better." She glanced at Darien. "Nice pants, by the way. They highlight your great ass."

Darien didn't even hear her. He was too caught up in staring at Arnaud. "Umm humm..."

Suddenly, two young men, also drawn in manga style, fell through the ceiling, one landing on top of the author. Luckily, he was small and slim, and the author wasn't hurt.

"JOEL AND WRENN???" the author exclaimed, "WHAT ARE _YOU DOING HERE???"_

The taller boy, who had blue eyes and a long auburn braid, glanced up. "I am the Sabre! I'm here to kill people. I guess..." he glanced at the other boy. "...Or maybe I'm here to screw Wrenn. Your decision." He glanced at the author. He was, after all, her creation, and subject to her whims.

"Screwmescrewmescrewme!" the smaller boy exclaimed, climbing off of the author, brushing some platinum blonde hair out of his lavender eyes, and turning a couple cartwheels. 

"Not NOW!" the author exclaimed, grabbing one of Wrenn's cartwheeling legs and pulling him down. "Go home!"

"Idawanna!" the small Sagittarius boy growled. "I wanna stay here with Joel. 'S more fun. Besides," he glared at the author, "I finished all those dumb speeches. Why do I always have so much work to do, anyway? Geeze, what am I, just a lousy sidekick and boyfriend type character?"

"Uhh, yeah." The author crossed her arms. "Basically."

Neither the author nor Wrenn noticed that a hot tub had appeared in the room and that Darien and Arnaud were in it, making out, as per the author's requests.Haruka was slicing onions with her Space Sword and crying over the kitchen sink, which had just appeared. 

"OKAY!" the author suddenly had a _Most Exceptionally Brilliant Idea and raised one hand. "You're all here and mostly under my control! SO! Repeat after me!" she drew a breath, "YAOI IS GOOD!"_

Everyone repeated after her, although some of them were quite distracted. The author looked smug.

"AGAIN!" She cried triumphantly!

"YAOI IS GOOD!" the room shook with the thunderous cry.

"Good, good," the author rubbed her hands greedily. "Very nice."

She glanced at Haruka. "Hey, 'Ruka, babe, I hear Michiru calling for you."

The blonde snapped to attention. "WHERE is she?!"

"Uhh." The author glanced at Wrenn, whose arms were crossed. He leaned over and whispered something to the author, being her Chief Muse as well as a favorite character. 

"She's not here! I think she's outside!" the author cried, pointing with the rolled script.

"Cool!" yelled Haruka, disappearing.

Wrenn smiled triumphantly at the author. She sighed. "Ohh my dear Wrendell, why must you be so handsome? And so..so...Sagittarius?"

"You created me, lady! You tell me!" he scowled and glanced over at Joel, who was fiddling with his braid and humming something. His face softened. "Well...I gotta say, you _did give me Joel..." _

"Yeah...actually I'm kinda proud of you guys. You're real...well, _believable." She patted__ Wrenn, who was only two inches taller than her 5'5", on the head and smiled, only then remembering Darien and Arnaud._

She riffled through her papers. "Hey Arnie??" she called, knowing that the Swiss terrorist hated being called by that name, "you ever heard the song 'Easy' by Fuel, babe?"

"UHHMMHUMM!" a loud but muffled affirmative came from the opposite side of the room and the petite author glanced over to see a mess of thrashing limbs in the hot tub. She giggled happily.

"Like it?"

"AAHHH!! YESSS!!!" the cry came from the hot tub again.

"Okay...he may not have been answering _me but, hey, I'll take that as an affirmative..." the author smiled wolfishly and glanced over as the horribly active Wrenn fidgeted._

"Oh, sorry, Wrenny, forgot 'bout you and Joel for a minute."

"Guess what?" The blonde's eyes narrowed and his mouth curled up.

"Oh no..." the author knew all too well what was coming, since she had created Wrenn.

"Guess!" the impish, elfin, slim boy chirped.

"You're John Travolta." The author guessed quite flatly.

"Damn!" Wrenn shook his head. "Ya got me!" he thought for a moment. "Okay, okay. I'm not John Travolta...but _I am..." _

The author cringed.

"ELTON JOHN!" the blonde went into a full-fledged impression. "MAH tears COME cold I'm wond'rin' WhaaaaHAYYY..."

The author laughed. "NO NO NO! NO Elton John impressions! I _KNEW I never shoulda let you watch the Grammys! You little blonde baka!"_

Wrenn ignored her and continued his heartfelt impression of Elton John singing Dido's part on "Stan" by Eminem and Dido at the Grammys. 

The author fell on the floor and Joel went into the kitchen, coming back with a knife. "I need to fulfill my homicidal urges," he informed the room, and attempted to walk through one of the walls.

"No, Joel, hon, it's tacky. You can only walk through 'em when they're wet," the author informed him, watching as his hand became entangled in the sticky white wall. Suddenly, the calming strains of Dido drifted through the air.

"NOT IN THE MOOD!" called the author, flicking her finger, and the music was changed to Fuel.

"Well damn!" exclaimed Joel, pulling his hand free. "Where's the door, then? I have to fulfill my homicidal urges!"

There was a loud scream from the hot tub and Darien popped up with Pavlov's teeth dug into his arm. "GETITOFF!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!"

Arnaud's hand reached up to disengage the dog from Darien's arm and throw Pavlov across the room where the dog hit a wall and became stuck, his long silky fur covered in goo.

Darien smiled and sat back in the tub. Moments later, he was pulled underwater. 

"Joel-chan, silly baka. Forget the homicidal urges for a bit, and let's have some coffee." The author had forgotten completely about the plot.

"Coffee?" Joel's braid spun out as he turned. "I love coffee!"

"Hrmmph," Wrenn grumped, "I thought you loved me."

"Coffee, Wrenn, coffee, Wrenn..." the freckled homicidal maniac weighed the two on different hands. "Coffee, Wrenn, coffee, Wrenn..."

"No coffee for Wrenn," said the author, starting the machine. "He's hyper enough as it is...I don't wanna see him with a caffeine high..."

"BOOZE!" Wrenn exclaimed, opening a cabinet and coming up with a bottle of Heineken's. 

"OH NO!" cried the author, overcome by the urge to sing "Wrenn's Drinking Ditty". "Wrendell! You're way too young for that!"

"Seven months too young, thanks much," the Muse/Sidekick replied, pulling 3 large mugs out of the cabinet and pouring three foaming glasses of beer. "And now," he distributed the three glasses, "we all know what it's time for!"

Someone screeched hoarsely from the tub, and two dripping wet, naked men walked into the kitchen. All three of the kitchen's inhabitants' jaws dropped and the author began to drool.

"Uhoh." Joel reached over and closed the author's jaw and Wrenn collected himself. "Two more?"

"BEER!" cried Darien, lunging for the bottle. Wrenn leapt to the counter and protected the Heineken's valiantly, grappling for a glass for Arnaud, who was in the other room recovering his Speedo. Darien, however, did not seem to care about clothes--all he wanted was BEER BEER BEER!

Wrenn managed to get a mug poured for Arnaud and then Darien grabbed the bottle, shoving it into his mouth and pouring it down his throat.

The author reached out and slapped Darien's hand. "BAD!" she chastised as Darien whimpered like a hurt puppy. "No-no, Darien. Andi no want all beer consumed by greedy Darien! Other boys want beer too. Darien understand?"

Darien whimpered and nodded and the author smiled, as Darien got on his knees to have his head petted. She even added a scratch behind his ears as he gave her the bottle without a big fight. He purred and then barked and rubbed his head against her legs.

The author laughed triumphantly, thinking to herself, only _I know that Darien turns into a puppykat after having... she was cut off as Arnaud held up his glass valiantly, proposing a toast._

"To the Author! Without whom we would not all be here together and some of us wouldn't be here at all!"

The author blushed, bowing her head, and lowered her eyes. Finally, she held up her glass, forgetting that she was too young to drink and the others clinked their glasses against hers, except Darien, who was still on the floor and rubbing his head around her legs and purring/barking.

Suddenly, there was a poof of beautiful cobalt smoke and there stood who else but!!!! The author's boyfriend! Tall, dark, and handsome, he spoke with a slight accent that betrayed his Austrian origins. "There you are, Andi! Gee, I've been looking for you, my little French Pea!"

He eyed the still-naked Darien rubbing his head against her shins and caught sight of Arnaud wearing a Speedo in the corner, drinking his beer. "Booze party?" Inquired the author's boyfriend, Crissy.

"Sorta. Wrenn found the Heinekens." The author shrugged apologetically.

"You shouldn't go off on these little adventures to the far dusty corners of your mind like that without telling anyone!" Crissy shook his finger at her, smiling, his bright cobalt eyes sparkling. "We were looking for you, Cherie!" 

The author looked down and blushed again. "Well, I was trying to get Arnaud and Darien alone and write some Pointless Slash with a capital P and S, but things got out of hand...sorry, Criss."

Darien licked the author's leg, looking up her skirt, and she slapped him. "Bad!"

He whimpered, and then suddenly stood up. "Why am I on the floor? Why am I naked? Why was I whimpering like a puppy?"

The author rolled her eyes, glancing at Arnaud and winking covertly. 

Crissy's dark forelock fell across his face and he brushed it back. "Uhhh...Andi...I need the computer."

The author sighed reluctantly, not wanting her little fantasy-trip to end. "Reality is _such a bitch!"_

Joel nodded. "Considering that I don't even exist in reality, I'd say that's pretty accurate."

"I'm Elton John!" Wrenn exclaimed again, but Joel clapped a hand over his mouth before anything else could pop out.

" 'Kay guys. You heard Crissy. Everyone's gotta go home now." The author grinned apologetically. 

Wrenn sighed through Joel's hand and Joel shrugged. "Later, Miss Author Ma'am." He nodded to Crissy, grinning. "Later, Mr. Author's Boyfriend Sir."

Wrenn piped up, pulling Joel's hand away, "Bye-bye everyone!" Joel winked at Wrenn and the two disappeared in puffs of red-gold and lavender smoke.

"Darien, Arnaud, you complied with my wishes, now, by all means, GO HOME!" The author shooed the two.

"Uh...how?" Darien frowned in confusion.

"OH hell!" The author exclaimed, and Darien disappeared in a cloud of orange smoke and an "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Arnaud smiled, bowed, and walked over to kiss the author's hand. "A pleasure, mademoiselle. Monsieur," he nodded to Crissy, and disappeared in a cloud of pale green smoke and the sound of Filter's song, "Cancer".

Crissy grinned down at the author. "Getcher little butt outta here now, missy!"

The author sighed reluctantly. "Do I hafta?"

"You hafta. I have papers to type up."

The author sighed heavily and closed the word processing program resignedly._ _

_ _

REVIEW! Review or I shall send my army of Chibis to kill you! Beware the evils of Chibi Sailor Senshi Darien Fawkes and Chibi Waitress Arnaud!

**Special note: Author's (rapidly growing) army of Chibis contains: Chibi Sailor Senshi Darien Fawkes, Chibi Waitress Arnaud, Chibi Lithium Bobby Hobbes, Chibi Topless Dancer Joel, Chibi QSM Nurse Darien Fawkes, Chibi Cross dresser Arnaud, Chibi Haruka-as-a-guy, Chibi Gymnast Wrenn, Chibi CEO Crissy, Chibi Playboy Bunny Andi, Arnaud, Darien, Haruka, Joel, and Wrenn, Chibi Waltzing Darien and Arnaud, Chibi Hot Brett Scallions, Chibi Leather Rob Thomas, Chibi Lefty Sean from Vertical Horizon, Chibi Rolling In Bed Dido, Chibi "Stan" Eminem (watch out for this one!), Chibi Miniskirt Arnaud, Chibi Miniskirt and Lipstick Duo (just 'cos I think he's a cutie, not that I actually watch the show regularly), Chibi Pajama Arnaud, Chibi Rumpled Eberts, Chibi Puppydog Darien, Chibi Karaoke Arnaud and Darien (Come as a set), Chibi Leather Scott Stapp, Chibi Swimmer Wrenn, Chibi Elocutor Wrenn, Chibi Dead Rolff (Don't ask who Rolff is...in a later fic is he!), Chibi Tight Jeans Vincent Ventresca, Chibi ??? (Undecided as of yet) Joel Bissonnette, Chibi Bite Me! Wrenn, Chibi Bloodlust Joel (not to mention Arnaud, Darien, Andi, and Wrenn), Chibi Dead and Buried Dannie (*sniff* You'll find out, it's in my current fic I'm working on), Chibi Suicidal Darien, Arnaud, and Joel, Chibi Lonely Wrenn, Chibi Manic-Depressive Joel, Chibi Hippie Darien, Chibi Leather Mick Jagger, Chibi Poofy-hair Jon Bon Jovi!, Chibi Hair-in-bun Sailor Mars/Raye/Rei, Chibi Sweetie Michiru, Chibi RedheadStefen, Chibi Poor Raped Whacked Vanyel, Chibi Dead *sniff* Tylendel, Chibi Not In Love With Rini Helios/Elios, Chibi Scorpy-possessed John, Chibi Bruno Ben Browder, Chibi Wiggle Your Butt More, I Like That Arnaud, Chibi Shake It Baby! Darien, Chibi Belting It Out Brett Scallions, Chibi Lead Singer Of Filter, Chibi Prom King Billy Christiansen, Chibi PMS Keepie, Chibi Multiple Personality Disorder Quatre (Again not cos I watch the show regularly, more cos I like how the boy looks! And his other personality almost killed Relena in a fic, so he's got that goin' fer him too!), Chibi Prince Darien (another fic, not finished), Chibi Bed-slave Arnaud, Chibi Cool Dude Han Solo, Chibi Tragic Jedi Luke Skywalker, Chibi Well You Suck! Wrenn, Chibi Husky-Voiced Johnny Rzeznik, Chibi Spiked Hair Wrenn, Chibi Bowling Ed Stevens, Chibi Hacker Ed Tate, Chibi Blue-Eyed Paul Muad'Dib Atreides, Chibi Cute Young Baron Vladimir Harkonnen, Chibi Handsome Feyd'Rautha, Chibi Even Cuter And Also Bene Gesserit Farad'n, Chibi Abomination Alia, Chibi Ghola Duncan Idaho, Evil Chibi Rini, Evil Chibi Eminem, Evil Chibi Sailor Moon, Evil Chibi Sailor Saturn, Evil EVIL EVIL EVIL EEEEVIL Chibi Bunny (A.k.a. Serena and Sailor ACK ACK Moon), Evil Chibi Darien Shields/Tuxedo Mask, Evil Chibi Young Emperor, Evil Chibi PMS Coemgen, and Evil Chibi Tired Sir Christopher. As we stated previously this army is RAPIDLY growing. Many of these Chibis are up for adoption due to the simple fact that the author cannot control them. Especially the Evil Chibis, which are to be taken carefully and handled at their own risk. If you would like to adopt one of the author's Chibis or Evil Chibis, please let her know and she will be happy to let you know if that one is available and/or arrange adoption papers for you. Chibis are fun little creatures to enjoy. The author just has so many it's kind of hard to enjoy them all. **

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE AUTHOR IS ALSO VANYEL ASHKEVRON'S SWORN PROTECTOR.

**PLEASE NOTE THAT THE AUTHOR IS ALSO STEFEN'S SWORN PROTECTOR.**

**PLEASE NOTE THAT THE AUTHOR IS ALSO TYLENDEL FRYLENNES' SWORN PROTECTOR.**


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